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[[ kristopher ]]

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I think this pretty much sums up every thing I'm feeling right now. [Sunday
November 13th @ 6:51pm]
[ mood | enraged ]

Lately I've been skeptical
Silent when I would used to speak
Distant from all around me
Who witness me fail and become weak
Life is overwhelming
Heavy is the head that wears the crown
I'd love to be the one to disappoint you when I don't fall down

But you don't understand when I'm attempting to explain
Because you know it all and I guess things will never change
But you might need my hand when falling in your hole
Your disposition I'll remember when I'm letting go of
You and me we're through
And rearranged

It seems that you're not satisfied
There's too much on your mind
So you leave and I can't believe all the bullshit that I find
Life is overwhelming
Heavy is the head that wears the crown
I'd love to be the one to disappoint you when I don't fall down

But you don't understand when I'm attempting to explain
Because you know it all and I guess things will never change
But you might need my hand when falling in your hole
Your disposition I'll remember when I'm letting go of
You and me we're through
And rearranged

You're no good
For me
Thank God its over

You make believe
That nothing is wrong until you're cryin'
You make believe
That life is so long until you're dyin'
You make believe
That nothing is wrong until you're cryin'
Cryin' on me
You make believe
That life is so long until you're dyin'
Dyin' on me!

You think that everybody's the same
I don't think that anybody's like you
(You ruin everything and you kept fuckin' with me until its over and I won't be
the same)
You think that everybody's the same
I don't think that anybody's like you
Be the same

Just think about it
You'll get it

Take my broken wings teach me to fly again [Friday
June 24th @ 2:41am]
[ mood | depressed ]

I'm so sick of being unhappy, of being lonely, of feeling like dirt and like I'll amount to nothing. Every time I think I've fallen as far as I can, and start to rebuild again, it all come crashing down around me all over again. I'm to the point now where I'm not even sure it's worth trying to be happy any more. The ones that want and love me, I don't want or love. The ones I love and want more than anything, don't feel the same. I can't do anything right, I can't make anyone happy, I can't get ahead in life.

I donno..
I'm just done with everything.

..Absolutely Nothing.. [Monday
March 29th @ 1:08pm]
[ mood | moody ]

I'm on the doorstep, with my key turned in the door
Walk in the living room and you're sat on the floor

My heart is aching and I've never felt this bad
I pinch myself to check that all of this is real
Keep thinking I'm not letting on, I feel this sad
And then you've got the cheek to ask me how I feel

And I say...
Absolutely nothing
I'm absolutely fine
Absolutely nothing you can say to change my mind
Absolutely nothing
I'm absolutely fine
Absolutely nothing you can say to change my mind

I know that you just want to see me get upset
My world turned upside down so what did you expect

My heart is aching and I've never felt this bad
I pinch myself to check that all of this is real
Keep thinking I'm not letting on, I feel this sad
And then you've got the cheek to ask me how I feel

And I say...
Absolutely nothing
I'm absolutely fine
Absolutely nothing you can say to change my mind
Absolutely nothing
I'm absolutely fine
Absolutely nothing you can say to change my mind

You've seen me cry too many times
But not this time
No not this time
I don't need you to help me through
I'll be just fine
I'll be just fine
(I'll be just fine)

And I say..
Absolutely nothing
I'm absolutely fine
Absolutely nothing you can say to change my mind
Absolutely nothing
I'm absolutely fine
Absolutely nothing you can say to change my mind

Absolutely nothing
I'm absolutely fine
Absolutely nothing you can say to change my mind
Absolutely nothing
I'm absolutely fine
Absolutely nothing you can say to change my mind

Absolutely nothing
I'm absolutely fine
Absolutely nothing you can say to change my mind
Absolutely nothing
I'm absolutely fine
Absolutely nothing you can say to change my mind

survey shit.. [Tuesday
March 2nd @ 8:07pm]
[ mood | sore ]

Who was the last person you took a picture with?
- .......ummm.... I actually don't know... Aaren or Ame, maybe?
 
Who was the last person you slow danced with?
- Josh, I guess..
 
Have you ever liked anybody who's just a friend?
- yes, hasn't everyone at some point? That's how most of my relationships have started..
 
When's the last time you hugged somebody?
-Dan gave me a hug last night before I left..
 
Last thing a guy bought you and who?
- I don't know... I think my step dad got me some ice cream not too long ago.
 
Where did you get your shirt?
- I don't know.. it's just some random black tank top..
 
What woke you up this morning?
- I don't know..
 
What's the last word of the last text message you sent?
- “better!”
 
What's the last thing that really pissed you off?
- my gma getting pissy at me for being gona all day yesterday when I told her I had no idea when I'd be home.
 
Who was the last person to make you laugh?
- Dan.
 
What color is your bra?
- black with neon pink and green skulls on it.
 
Do you get easily annoyed?
- it depends on my mood.. normally, no.
 
When's the last time you did dishes?
- sometime last week.
 
What's the last thing you received in the mail?
- something about my health insurance..
 
What did you do today?
- nothing really.. cleaned, talked to Dan via texting, watched Go!, vegged out.. 
 
Does it take a lot to hurt your feelings?
- yes and no.
 
Are you obnoxious?
- I guess I can be sometimes.
 
Have you ever smacked your Mother?
- only playfully on the arm.
 
What's a quote from the song you're listening to?
- “color my eyes with the blue skies..”
 
Are you dressing up for Halloween?
- sure thing! I might be doing the Mad Hatter again with Ame as the White Rabbit..
 
Who did you go with Trick Or Treating with last year?
- ...no one!!! I couldn't get anyone to go with me!!!! 
 
When was the last time you shaved any part of your body?
- yesterday..
 
Do you think Tupac Shakur is really dead?
- I donno.. maybe. I didn't when I was younger but now I'm not really sure.
 
How many people have you hugged in the past three days?
- a fair few.
 
Have you ever been suspended from school?
- nope! I was a 'good girl'.. lol.
 
What would you do if you caught AIDS?
- cry.
 
Will you get married one day?
- I hope so.
 
What did you have for dinner?
- chicken sandwiches.
 
When you run, do your boobs hurt?
- no...
 
Are you sarcastic?
- very.
 
Who lies to you the most?
- I don't even know anymore.
 
Where did you meet your best friend?
- in front of her house when we were like 3 or 4 years old.
 
How tall is the last person you hugged?
- 6'2”?
 
What is something you wish you had more of?
- motivation, money, friends.
 
Are you taller than your mom?
- no.
 
Do you think you are a good person?
- I try to be.
 
Do you believe that you can change for someone?
- I would never change myself for someone.
 
What is the last movie that you watched?
- Go.
 
Who is the last person you talked to on the phone?
- Hachiko.
 
Where were you at 9am this morning?
- in bed.
 
What is the last non-alcoholic beverage you had?
- water.
 
What's irritating you now?
- me.
 
Do you get distracted easily?
- yes, I'm ADD.
 
Are you growing apart from someone close?
- not that I know of.
 
Is there something you would like to tell someone?
- no, not really.
 
Do you ever think "what if" about things?
- all the time.. it's a bad habit of mine.
 
Have you ever regretted anything?
- a few things..
 
Do you judge people you don't know?
- no, I try really hard not to judge people at all, especially if I don't even know them.
 
Are you happy with the way things are going?
- moderately.. sort of.. sometimes.
 
Do you still talk to the person you fell the hardest for?
- no. But I wish I did, he was a great friend.
 
What are your plans for this weekend?
- work.. maybe go hang out with Bedell..
 
Today did you hug a person you have feelings for?
- nope. I haven't hugged anyone yet today.
 
Do you hate when people smoke around you?
- depends on where I am and what they are smoking.
 
In the past week have you cried?
- yes.
 
Do you have any bruises?
- ..a fare few..
 
What about scratches?
- ..oh yes..
 
Dark hair or light hair in the opposite sex?
- doesn't matter.. anything but natural red.
 
Have you ever gotten a sunburn so bad it hurt to move?
- maybe once.. 
 
Who do you talk to when you're down?
- Aaren, Hachi, my little brother.
 
Have you ever been awake for more then 2 nights straight?
- yes.
 
Who do you blame for your bad mood today?
- my grandmother..
 
How long do you think you will live?
- I don't know.
 
Do you drink lots of water?
- yes.
 
The last website you visited?
- Myspace, Youtube and some site about the properties of rosewood oil.
 
What's on your bed right now?
- lots of warm fuzzy black blankets, my black owl plushie, lots of pillows..
 
How do you know when you like someone?
- couz I end up wanting to talk to them constantly and spend as much time as possible with them..

just a mini-update.. [Wednesday
April 29th @ 3:21am]
[ mood | awake ]

hmm.. well now..
some fun upcoming events for me..

+Joey's 18th birthday is on the 14th of May..

+ DEMF is the end of May.. i'm planning to go with my cousin Paul.. and i'm already planning my outfits.. <3 hells yes for neon pink and green! new hair falls and i'm hoping to have a gas mask by that time.. i'm thinking neon glitter faery meets industrial end-of-days industrial goth rock.

+ Joey's grad party is on the 4th or 5th of June.. so i'll be enjoying a nice big glass of absinthe with my cousin and uncle during that.. if for no other reason but to shock the rest of my family.

+ Ceijae and Brandon's wedding is on the 18th of June.. still deciding if i should find a date or just go alone.. i'm opting for the alone choice.. or just tagging along with Joy and Allen or Leah.

+ July 18th i'll be 22.. planning the usual.. CITY CLUB! wheee!! but this year i can drag my little bro off to the club with me! <3

+ and on September 13th, Madison will be 16! craziness!!

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